Hedge Fund Bros

Like Frat ‘bro not Brothers of Incorporation, like Warner Bros or Super Mario Bro….s.  The modern day hedge fund that dominates scintillating headlines is not really that modern in its premise; in that minimum-investment for some and maximum return for others has been around even before Standard Oil and U.S. Steel. Lets say, for instance, the first time the first caveman took another caveman for a shell game ride, gimme five and you win ten, was based on the simple win/lose equation of “I want more than I already have.”  Perhaps that’s just basic instinct, survival, biological, maybe even neurological; what life really boils down to.  How do I get more than I already have?  I must risk the bird in my hand to get the two in the bush, and beyond.   The men who run the most diverse and profitable of hedge funds are leaders amongst followers, revered for their ingenuity in turning a profit and reviled for the same reason. So, none of this is really new, and the hallowed halls of the Yale and Harvard Clubs remain members-only.  It’s unspoken.

I have it ingrained in me that greed is bad, in spite of growing up with the opposite in the he-who-dies-with-the-most-toys eighties.  As an adult I have tried to deconstruct my formative cognizance of rich-versus-poor as a mentality and not just a balance on a spreadsheet of comfort and convenience.  Sure, I can honestly say I’m pathologically attached to flying first class.  But I also see why some people love flying Coach.  It’s a pride thing.  How can you spend money on comfort when you can save it for something bad that might happen in the future? Priorities, however, differ and for an amalgamation of reasons I needn’t bore myself  with. Opinions/assholes, etc.  I still think greed is bad.  But that’s the mature and enlightened me.  The guy who, after living in somewhat liberal California for some time, has climbed to the peak of the mountain known as forward-thinking enlightenment.  I can see all sides of all stories from the top of that mountain.  I can think I understand what another person’s struggle is. Yet in the end I come down from the mountain into the iPhone #ZombieApocalypse of sex lies and greed, fighting to carve a path on the sidewalk of momentary selfie delusion.  The universal dichotomy; how do I get ahead to where I should be when all I want to do is go back to the mountain where the air is free and the stewardess keeps filling my glass. Like a table at Starbucks, something we all can share.

I just wonder why there is so much anger towards the #hedgefundbro of 2016.  The Democratic National Convention is taking place right now and I am doing my best to stomach the “for the people” rhetoric that’s regurgitated every four years with financed smiles and reverse hate speech.  But it’s unavoidable.  The world I live in is a 24 hour cycle of real time revisionist content.  Who to believe?  I’ve convinced myself that the government has become too large and in debt to special interest to have its representatives taken all that seriously.  But I’m one of those people the hedge fund boiler room guys hate;  not quite ready to live in a cabin filled with ammo in the woods but definitely not buying what’s being sold.  On the fence? No. Left or right? No. Up in the air? Only in first class. Down on the ground? Yeah, fighting for sidewalk selfie space.  Yeah, I am that guy who has no distinctive label other than Gucci.  I am a rarity, an enigma, a mystery… I am just me, nihilistic tendencies and ridiculously good taste.  When the laughter subsides I’ll begin my closing.

I don’t think the #hedgefundbro is the real bad guy of 2016.  He’s just surviving like anyone else.  The pathway to his enlightenment is just different.  He just wants to sit in first class and watch the other guy walk past him and his champagne and try not to smile too condescendingly because that would be wrong.  As a self-depicted artist of the word (is that a label?), I hate talking about $$$,$$$,$$$.  I have to sometimes with some people because my rock & roll lifestyle doesn’t pay for itself.  But aside from the necessary evils of financial administration I prefer to float around in the bubble of delusion.  I just wanted to say that #hedgefundbro does not represent greed any more than a democrat represents democracy.  Still paying taxes on the right to stay alive.

Seeing #abfabmovie for the second time tonight at Lincoln Center.  Tomorrow I’ll review with objectivity if I don’t jump in front of a bus, which would be the closest I’d come to one since 6th grade summer camp.  Right now I am going to buy a Bugatti and an island. All before lunch at 21.




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